ZOMG SHEIK
by Hoogiman
Summary: What happens when Zelda becomes stuck as Sheik? Can she hide her identity long enough, or will someone else find out the truth? Read and Review! Chapter Three Up!
1. Sheik's Birthday

ZOMG SHEIK  
By Hoogiman

Disclaimer: All of the Super Smash Brothers characters are the property of Nintendo. So please don't sue.

Note: This story is possibly the worst story I have ever written. And it's also disturbing. Read on.

**Chapter One: Sheik's Birthday**

Jigglypuff ran up to Zelda, who was sleeping.

"Happy Birthday Zelda!" said Jigglypuff, holding up a small box, covered in wrapping paper.

"Aww, thanks," said Zelda, taking the present, "What a nice gift! Thanks so much!"

"Oh, uh… sorry about waking you up at about three in the morning," said Jigglypuff, cheerfully.

"That's okay, as long as everybody cares for me!" said Zelda.

Zelda noticed a present about twenty times bigger behind Jigglypuff's back.

"Uh… that gigantic present is for who?" asked Zelda.

"Sheik!" said Jigglypuff, cheerfully. "Remember? It's his birthday today too!"

"What? Sheik doesn't do anything for you!" said Zelda, angrily. "I'm a better person than Sheik!"

"Well… Sheik cares about me more!" said Jigglypuff, "And at least Sheik doesn't use me as an ingredient in her cakes!"

Jigglypuff glared angrily at Zelda.

Zelda sighed, and went back to sleep.

A few hours passed.

Zelda rested peacefully and comfortably in her little abode, as she visioned enchanting, bedazzling, elegant, wonderful, enchanting, calm, gracious and enchanting pictures of ecstatic, attractive, tall, muscular elf bodybuilders with clean cut hair, stunning eyes and perfect, ginger eyes.

Zelda sighed. _"They are gorgeous," _she muttered to herself.

Zelda then started resting a little less peacefully and started dreaming about more 'pleasant' things which are too scarring to children and too grotesque to describe to the readers of this story, with somehow ended with her doing some strange hip motions as she fantasised about some particular things.

Pit walked into the room.

Pit looked at what Zelda was doing.

"ZELDA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY COUCH?!1" screamed Pit, petrified.

Zelda woke up.

"What a pleasant dream," said Zelda, grinning slyly.

Zelda looked at Pit, who was hyperventilating and too shocked to say any legible English words.

"What's wrong, Pit?" asked Zelda.

Zelda noticed she lacked clothing.

"What, you haven't seen a lady before?" asked Zelda.

Pit started to cry, due to the shock.

Zelda noticed she was on Pit's brand new antique ancient couch.

"Okay… so what? I got a bit carried away with my dream… I sleepwalked a bit…" said Zelda, surprisingly calm.

Pit tried to gather himself, still gasping. "Y- you… hu- humped my couch so- so hard… th- that… you broke it?"

"Oh," said Zelda, noticing that the couch she was on was broken.

"Nevermind," said Zelda, "You can always get a replacement…"

Zelda grinned.

"THAT COUCH CAN'T BE REPLACED!" screamed Pit, in breakdown, "TH- THAT COUCH IS THE ONLY ENTRANCE TO HEAVEN ON THIS EARTH, AND Y- YOU JUST RUINED IT? WE'RE ALL DOOMED ZELDA, WE'RE ALL DOOMED!"

Pit started crying.

"Okay then…" said Zelda.

"That's it, no birthday present for you! I'll just give it to Sheik!" said Pit angrily.

"Oh come on, that's not fair!" said Zelda angrily.

"Well… you've kind of doomed the whole human race here," said Pit angrily, "Why do you expect a birthday present if you've denied us all life after death?"

"It's not fair!" said Zelda.

Zelda stormed back up to her room, and walked up to her cupboard.

"Hmmph," said Zelda, muttering to herself, "It's almost as if people appreciate Sheik more than me!"

**The End (of the chapter)  
**

Review, even if you hate it! Bonus points for internet lingo in your reviews!


	2. Zelda's Envy

ZOMG SHEIK  
By Hoogiman

Disclaimer: All of the Super Smash Brothers characters are the property of Nintendo. So please don't sue.

Note: This story sucks. Thank you for your time.

_Last time on… ZOMG SHEIK…_

"_Happy Birthday Zelda!" said Jigglypuff, holding up a small box, covered in wrapping paper._

…

"_ZELDA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY COUCH?!1" screamed Pit, petrified._

…

_Pit tried to gather himself, still gasping. "Y- you… hu- humped my couch so- so hard… th- that… you broke it?"_

…

"_THAT COUCH CAN'T BE REPLACED!" screamed Pit, in breakdown, "TH- THAT COUCH IS THE ONLY ENTRANCE TO HEAVEN ON THIS EARTH, AND Y- YOU JUST RUINED IT! WE'RE ALL DOOMED ZELDA, WE'RE ALL DOOMED!"_

…

"_Hmmph," said Zelda, muttering to herself, "It's almost as if people appreciate Sheik more than me!"_

**Chapter Two: Zelda's Envy**

"What an awful birthday…" said Zelda to Link, angrily, "Nobody gave me anything good!"

Link nodded, trying to look like he agreed.

"It's almost as if nobody likes me!" said Zelda, sobbing.

"There, there," said Link, comforting Zelda.

"I mean, who would hate me, Zelda, the great princess of Hyrule?" asked Zelda, putting her hand on her chest. "I'm- I'm such a likable character, I would never be mean to anyone! I have a strong…"

Jigglypuff ran in whilst holding flowers, accidentally knocking over the doorstop.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, YOU LITTLE BRAT! I NEVER ASKED YOU TO COME IN HERE AND KNOCK OVER MY DOORSTOP! WHAT HAVE I DONE TO YOU TO DESERVE SUCH A HORRIBLE, UNKIND ACT? YOU SHOULD BE SHOT!" screamed Zelda.

Jigglypuff ran away, crying, dropping the rare and expensive bunch of flowers addressed to Zelda.

Link rolled his eyes, as if to say, 'Well, we didn't see that one coming.'

"Great Link, you scared her away!" said Zelda, angrily.

Link sighed, and walked out.

"Hmm… maybe I should see what Sheik got for his birthday," said Zelda.

**A Few Minutes Later…**

Sheik walked downstairs into the dining room, where the Smashers were eagerly awaiting him.

"Happy Birthday, Sheik!" shouted all of the Smashers, bearing their many expensive gifts.

"Aww… really, for me? Thanks everyone!" said Sheik, in a high-pitched girly voice. "You know, it's always beneficial for a person to be nice to a princess! I mean-"

Everybody stared at Sheik in shock.

"Er…" said Sheik, in a suddenly deeper voice, over-exaggerating male body language, "It was just… my Zelda impression… heh, heh…"

"Oh, hahaha," laughed all of the Smashers in unison.

"Hahaha, good one!" said Falco, laughing, "You even sound like a girl!"

Sheik chuckled nervously.

"Here's my gift for you!" said Falco, grinning slyly.

"What is it?" asked Sheik.

Falco whispered something into Sheik's ear.

"Swimsuit Special… sounds… very… hot… dudes…" said Sheik, twitching nervously.

Sheik started to sweat.

"Hey, everybody, I've got a funny!" announced Roy, clearly intoxicated, "Get- get this…"

Roy wiped the shaving cream off his face.

"Wouldn't… it be funny… if Zelda… was actually Sheik?" laughed Roy.

Everybody laughed.

Sheik wiped some of the sweat off his face with a couple of tissues.

"It's funny because it's so outrageous and not true," commented Fox.

"We- we…" laughed Roy, "We better check that… that… Sheik's still a guy… heh? Huh? Huh?"

Everybody laughed.

Sheik's sweat was at such a high volume that it looked like one of those cliché sweat drops that appear in children's anime shows poured down his face.

Roy walked up to Sheik, and started tugging at his beard.

"Um… I don't think you should touch my beard… heh, it's pretty… sensitive…" chuckled Sheik nervously.

Luckily, the pile of sweat underneath Roy's feet tripped him over, making him pass out.

Almost all of the Smashers crowded around Roy.

Peach walked up to Sheik.

"Sheik, I don't remember you having a beard yesterday!" said Peach, surprised.

"Er…" said Sheik, "Magic?"

"Oh," said Peach understandingly.

Sheik made a quick break to the bathroom.

**The End (of chapter)**

Review, even if you hate it! Bonus points for internet lingo in your reviews!


	3. Stuck!

ZOMG SHEIK  
By Hoogiman

Disclaimer: All of the Super Smash Brothers characters are the property of Nintendo. So please don't sue.

Note: This story sucks. Thank you for your time. The lack of updates is brought to you by… vacation.

_Last time on… ZOMG SHEIK…_

"_It's almost as if nobody likes me!" said Zelda, sobbing._

"_There, there," said Link, comforting Zelda._

"_I mean, who would hate me, Zelda, the great princess of Hyrule?" asked Zelda, putting her hand on her chest._

…

_Jigglypuff ran in whilst holding flowers, accidentally knocking over the doorstop._

"_WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, YOU LITTLE BRAT! I NEVER ASKED YOU TO COME IN HERE AND KNOCK OVER MY DOORSTOP! WHAT HAVE I DONE TO YOU TO DESERVE SUCH A HORRIBLE, UNKIND ACT? YOU SHOULD BE SHOT!" screamed Zelda._

…

_Roy wiped the shaving cream off his face._

"_Wouldn't… it be funny… if Zelda… was actually Sheik?" laughed Roy._

_Everybody laughed._

…

"_Sheik, I don't remember that you had a beard yesterday!" said Peach, surprised._

"_Er…" said Sheik, "Magic?"_

**Chapter Three: Stuck!  
**

"Phew, that was a close one," muttered Zelda to herself, looking at her own reflection in the bathroom mirror.

Zelda wiped the sweat off her face.

"I have to think of a way to make my costume look more effective!" said Zelda.

Zelda snapped her fingers.

"That's it!" she muttered to herself, "I'll superglue every part of the costume to myself… that way my beard can never come off again! No more being beaten around… no more being neglected and ignored… I can finally become the party animal that everybody loves! I will be Sheik forever!"

Zelda grabbed a giant tub of superglue.

"Now to put the superglue on!" said Zelda.

Zelda put the superglue on herself.

"And now for my elaborate Sheik disguise!" said Zelda.

Zelda put on her chicken costume.

"And now to put on my beard!" said Zelda.

Zelda grabbed some random assorted hair from the garbage bags of a barber.

"There! This glue helps me look even more like Sheik!" said Zelda, proudly.

…

…

Zelda realised that she was wearing a chicken suit, and old men's head hair for a beard.

"GAAH!" screamed Zelda, looking at herself in the mirror.

**Meanwhile…**

"I personally don't think there's such thing as a wardrobe malfunction," said Pit to Marth, sipping his tea.

"So you're also saying that there's no such thing as bad fashion sense?" replied Marth, sceptically.

"Well, look at it this way: you can find a woman that **you** think has an awful dress," said Pit, "But there will always be a man in the world that will find that dress to look great. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."

"Yeah right," said Marth, sneering, "There are people out there that are so horrendously ugly that even the nicest of people couldn't think of anything nice to say about them!"

"That's not true! It is impossible for there to be something so horrendously ugly that nobody would find it attractive!" said Pit.

Zelda, in a chicken suit, ran past screaming whilst trying to take off the hair off her face.

Pit, stunned, looked at Marth.

"Okay, fine then, you win," said Pit, "Here's your ten-"

Pit noticed that Marth had passed out from shock.

"Woo," said Pit.

**Meanwhile…**

"Help me Ness!" said Zelda, running into Ness's room.

"What happened?" said Ness shocked, noticing Zelda's appearance.

"Uh…" said Zelda nervously, "You really shouldn't worry… It's a long story… a very long story… Can you just get me some glue-removal fixture thing?"

"What happened?" asked Ness, "Are you like this because you have a secret identity that is overshadowing your real one, so in your hope for acceptance you try and make yourself look like your secret identity, you cover yourself with superglue and accidentally put on a chicken suit and barber hair as a fake beard?"

…

…

"Uh… no?" chuckled Zelda.

"Oh," said Ness.

**The End (of chapter)**

Review, even if you hate it! Bonus points for internet lingo in your reviews!


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